What I've done
by raok
Summary: AU but set around the storyline of NM. Edward hears of Bella jumping off the cliff, but rather than taking his family's word, he returns to Forks. Is she really gone forever? E/B, some but very little J/B. M for language and adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

I do not own any of these characters. The wonderful Stephanie Meyer does.

Also – FYI adult language in this chapter.

I would not live, however you may define living, in a world without Bella. I could not live in a world where I wouldn't be a moment's run to her to feed into my masochistic tendencies I'm sure I would succumb to sooner rather than later.

It had been 6 months, 2 weeks and 3 days since I had seen her; since I had said the one thing I knew would destroy me and set her free in the same breath.

It had been 2 days since Rosalie had told me of Bella's death. At first I didn't believe her; Rosalie had never cared for Bella and I thought that it was a construed lie said to make me return to my family who now resided in the Siberian Plains. Perhaps she had thought that Bella's death would set me free. So I went to Alice. She had not been able to confirm nor deny Rosalie's information and thought that it could be because it had been so long since she had tried to see Bella's future.

So I did the only thing I could think of - I went to her. Against my better judgment, against the final promise I had made to her that I had intended to keep, I went back to Forks.

Forks looked the same, nothing had changed in the time I was gone. Then again, it hadn't even been a year since I'd lived here, _since we'd been happy_ I thought to myself – and nothing had changed in the decades my family had moved and resettled here, so why should it be any different now?

The skies were dark and threatening another bout of rain, the first round reflected in the puddles and slick roads. I arrived just after midnight and found myself perched up in the tree that I had used so many nights, a lifetime ago to get into her room at night. To hold her, to love her, to listen to her sleep in the hopes she would say or even better, moan, my name.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw as I nestled into the curve of where a thick branch met the tree trunk.

First, it wasn't even the sight but the smell coming from her room. It wasn't freesias and cinnamon; it was fertilizer and wet dog. I had begun smelling it about 1/2 a mile away from her home, chalking it up to the general stench my family dealt with from time to time during our stay, which resonated from the reservation a few miles north where a pack of werewolves lived.

As I peered into her room, I saw a man who looked a bit older than Bella, perhaps in his early 20s, sitting on her bed, flipping through one of her journals. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place; I thought maybe if I got into his head I could pinpoint where I had seen him before.

"I don't get it. I don't get why the fuck she felt it necessary to do what she did when she had me. When it was so clear that I would love her and never leave her like _he_ did..." with that his head shot up his eyes glaring directly into mine as his nostrils flared and he winced in discomfort.

What the hell had Bella been thinking? I let her go so she would be safe, not so she would run into an even bigger threat to her life – a werewolf.

The man strode in 2 steps from her bed to the window and opened it, teeth clenched.

"What the hell are you doing here Cullen?" he asked. I wasn't about to give him an explanation, especially when he seemed to know me and I still hadn't been able to figure out when we had met, so I settled for answering a question with a question. "Who the fuck are you and is Bella alright?"

He raised an eyebrow and smirked "how convenient that you come now. Is that what you bloodsuckers do? Get off on seeing girls like Bella fall to nothing? Did you come back in hopes that you would get to whack off to seeing her crumble once again because of what you put her through?!" His voice was raised as he shouted blind accusations without giving me answers to my questions. Wait, what the bloody hell was he talking about?

"What do you mean, crumble once again?"

"Don't play stupid Cullen. I know that your family may be a lot of things, but stupid has never been a description of your kind. If anything you creeps are acutely aware of everything that goes on, so don't tell me that you haven't been laughing it up at how Bella took you admitting you never loved her."

I thought for a brief second as to her reaction. She had cried, as most teenage girls would have over a breakup, but that was all I saw. I could barely handle that much as I sped off towards Alaska to meet up with my family who had taken off days before me.

I jumped through the open window, pinning him by his shoulders on the wall beside her bedroom door. I did not like being out of the loop, especially when it concerned Bella and especially when it seemed that this smelly fucking dog had all the answers.

My fangs shot out of me as my anger and confusion at his words boiled over. "I will ask you once again, out of politeness and for Bella's sake before I snap your fucking neck, what the fuck do you mean?"

He flashed that unpleasant smirk again and rolled his shoulders with a force that had me stumbling back.

"Don't give me attitude. Remember, I'm the one of us that knows what the fuck is going on, and I highly doubt that you running downstairs to ask Charlie will get you anything other than a bullet to the head. Not that it would have any effect, I would venture to guess." He said, sounding disappointed.

Fuck he was right – on all accounts. I sighed unnecessarily and sat on Bella's bed, my resolve crashing. I just needed to know she was ok, and where she was. And what this fucking dog was doing in her room.

I stared at the floor, teeth clenched as I murmured barely above a whisper. "I just need to know she is okay and I'll leave her be... even if she has found love elsewhere."

His face was still unreadable as he moved back against the wall and leaned against it. "You must know something, if you came here in a panic like this" he said gesturing to my current state.

"I was told, through an honest but somewhat biased source, that Bella had jumped off a cliff. I just need to know if it's true. And I need to know why."

For the first time since the last night I spent with Bella, I felt like an open book. My voice did not hide my worry at all and I took a chance look up at this man who had seemed so comfortable in her room, on her bed; a bed that her and I once shared.

He moved to sit in her vintage 1950s plush green satin chair that sat in the corner by her window, his elbows on his knees, his face cast down as he let out a slow breath.

"I don't think you deserve to know, not after everything you did to her. But I can only hope that it will cause you more pain than she ever felt."

It did not slip by me that he used the past tense when referring to her. But that still wasn't confirmation. Perhaps she was just no longer in pain; maybe she was in love again; maybe she was in love with this dog-man sitting 5 feet away from me. I could learn to accept that, to be okay with that, if I knew she was still alive.

"It's not in my place to tell her story. Of how she handled you leaving the way you did after saying what you did. What I can give you is what you requested. My name is Jacob. I'm surprised with your bloodsucking mind you don't remember since we met last spring right after Bella got back from Phoenix – that stupid dance, remember?"

I looked up at him and simply nodded. "I thought you looked familiar."

He stood walking towards the door. "You should go before Charlie heads upstairs to go to bed... but just so you know.." he opened the door looking down and mumbling so softly even I barely heard it, "you're friend was right. Bella jumped."

With that he closed the door behind him and I was left with the deafening silence.

Bella, my Bella, was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

JPOV

I clenched Bella's journal in my left hand as I walked into the hospital room.

I couldn't fucking believe he had the audacity to show up here… after everything. Who the fuck did he think he fucking was? He was the reason she had jumped, even if no one knew for certain, everyone could certainly ascertain that based on her state after he pulled the shit he did.

For all the fucking questions he had for me, I was burning to ask him my own series, beginning with _how the fuck can you not fall in love with Bella Swan_? She was amazingly beautiful, and the best part was she had no idea, so she wasn't like a normal teenager who flaunted it like she was god's gift. She tried to mask it behind lose clothing and hide her adorable face behind her long chestnut hair, but it never worked; at least, not on me. And that was just the physical side of her. Who she was as a person almost outshined her physical appeal. She was genuine and kind, two things I can't say about many people I've met so far in high school. She was shy but strong and she walked around as if she was confident in herself but had an undercurrent of insecurity.

He brought that insecurity right to the surface for her and she crashed against it.

I wasn't sure who I hated more, him for doing what he did to her or her for being stupid enough to believe it.

Then again, you'll believe anything when you're in love. And I could never hate Bella.

I sat at the side of her hospital bed, noticing for the hundredth time how much paler her skin was than usual. I hadn't even thought it was possible until I saw it for my own eyes. The doctors threw out medical mumbo jumbo left and right; words like _Anoxic brain injury the result of severe head trauma caused by drowning _and simpler words for Charlie and I like "coma" and "broken leg".

She had jumped; I hadn't been lying to the mythical jackass when I had told him as much. I just had never admitted she survived it – more or less.

She had been in this hospital for 5 days. I knew that because I was the one that grabbed her from the rough Pacific waters after she had jumped, and rode with her in the ambulance to the ER. I knew it had been 5 days because each day I sat here like a useless jackass begging her to wake up. The doctors had told us that each day she didn't wake up, the less of a chance she had to recover, to wake up, and to be _Bella _again.

I sat there, opening up her journal. I was digging deep here, thinking of anything more I could do than to just sit here and stare at her like some fucking creep, hoping she'd wake up. Thinking that if she could hear about her life that she would want to come back, I opened her journal and began reading it to her.

_May 3_

_I just got back from Phoenix. My leg is still completely useless, so I'm hobbling around like a complete gimp, but who the fuck cares, it's just another injury by the infamous (in the ER) Bella Swan. Jacob came with Charlie to meet me at the airport. I was so glad to see him; it felt like it had been years. So I'm back at home, and things are starting to calm down. Charlie is still hurt after what I said, despite my profuse apologies, though I don't really blame him. The guilt still haunts me, and there are times I wish I could tell him everything. But I know that it would mean even more trouble, and frankly this year I've had my fill. With that said, I wouldn't trade having met Edward for the world. I feel like such a stereotypical teenybopper by saying this, and I'm pretty sure this is some ironic retribution for giving Jessica Stanley all that shit over the past year, but I am so giddy over Edward. I have no idea what the fuck he sees in me, but whatever it is, I hope it never fades because loving him is something that will never go away. And after our conversation in the hospital, I can only hope that he keeps his word and never leaves._

I slammed the book shut. I couldn't take reading about her love for him, her hopes for their everlasting love. I was filled with pangs of jealousy and my jaw clenched with rage at her current state. _How could she possibly think her life was worth nothing after he left?_

With a heavy sigh, I reopened the book, flipping forward still, trying to get a glimpse of perhaps a time when she had started to come back after he had left & begun to at least try to smile again.

_April 14_

_It should be noted that today was the first day in what feels like months, that the sky wasn't covered in clouds. Jacob and I decided to take advantage of it and spent the day at La Push, hanging out on the beach. It was a decent day, which is the best I can hope for nowadays. He's finally stopped bringing _him_ up, which leaves me torn. I know, I know, I'm nuts right? I've been bitching in this journal about wanting Jacob to stop talking about _him_, telling me how bad _he_ was for me, but the truth is I'm torn. Yes, it hurts to talk about _him_, to think of the time we had because it was all a big fucking lie. But it hurts not to talk about him, because he's still all I think about. _He's_ all I dream about, and despite everything, all I want. So to not talk about _him_, just makes the memory of our time seem like a dream, as if none of it was real, not the soft kisses, not the nights curled into his icy body at night. And despite what everyone has been telling me, even if that were the case, I'm not sure it would –_

I stopped reading and sat up & sniffed. He was nearby. The fucker must have followed me here after I left Charlie's. I wasn't sure whether I should stay to protect her and tell him to leave – by force if I had to, or if I should let him see what he had done to her, and let it hit him like a ton of bricks; that is, if he felt anything for her at all.

Which, despite my initial thoughts, I was beginning to think he did.

Bella would be safe here; she was in a hospital with cameras everywhere, and nurses constantly checking in on her. She was Chief Swan's daughter, which meant the nurses were taking extra care to make sure she was comfortable and to check her vitals.

I placed the notebook on the nightstand beside her bed, and gently kissed her forehead. Her face was lukewarm and I was thankful that she seemed to be resting peacefully.

I peered towards her room's window to see Cullen standing there, shooting daggers at me as I lifted myself away from Bella. I squeezed her hand as I whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry. I hope this can be taken as the first step in making it up to you," before walking towards the door.

I closed the door quietly behind me, as I turned towards Edward. "She's not awake. If she does wake up while you're still there and she fucking sees you, I will make sure you and your family are never seen again. Got it?"

He just glared at me, teeth clenched. "You didn't tell me she was ok."

"You didn't deserve to know."

"I needed to know she was alive."

"Her," I said pointing toward where Bella lay, "that beautiful fucking woman in there, is less alive than you are right now. She's hanging on by a fucking _thread_ because for some fucking reason she thought her life wasn't worth living without you in it. Great job in doing what your species does best – _kill innocent people with no afterthought_," I snarled, tightening my fists as they lay at my sides.

He said nothing as he stared at me, before taking a chance look at Bella lying there, lifeless.

After a beat, I noticed that I had managed to make him completely fucking speechless. _Good, at least he fucking knows a little bit of what it's been like._

"I swear you son of a bitch, if she has to go through another round of your disappearing act, I will personally make sure that she never has to worry about seeing you again." I walked by him, knocking into his shoulder which felt ice cold, even through his layers of clothing.

Bella wasn't just my friend that I had to protect from the Cullens, and most often as of late, herself. I loved her, and had told her as much the day she jumped.

So while juggling my worry over her current state and anger towards this asshole who had broken her, I was dealing with my own feelings of guilt. How could I have put that on her, when I knew she was so fragile? How could I have forced myself on her after everything I had watched her go through?

It was killing me not to watch him with her in there. But I knew, even after everything else; after all the words exchanged between us about him, that this is what she would have wanted. She would have wanted him to be beside her – perhaps even more than me.

And that just added gas to the fire.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own these characters. They're all the brainchildren of Stephanie Meyer._

_Warning: More adult language and such._

_I just want to say thank you for all the folks that subscribed to this fic. I heart you infinitely ___

_Oh and what's that? TWO points of view in this chapter? Holy moly!_

BPOV

Waking up to complete silence and darkness is both petrifying and relieving.

For a moment it was petrifying as I had no idea where I was or how I got there. The last thing I could remember was screaming at Jacob from the Queillute cliffs, and then… nothing.

As I tried to make sense of where I was all I could tell was that it was dark out, and I was outside. And that's when I saw him. Edward. He was lying on his side, his face hovering over mine as his lips curved into that smirk I could never resist and he lowered his lips to my ear, whispering "about time you woke up."

Was I dead? No, I couldn't be. Edward was here & Edward was immortal. Unless… no; Victoria wouldn't have gotten to him, would she?

He lifted his head back up, his topaz eyes burning intensely into mine as his chest heaved; he was taking deep breaths that were completely unnecessary.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine.

"But… you left. You said…" I swallowed down the sobs that would start if I spoke too quickly. My voice was softer, more timid as I continued. "You said you didn't love me."

"Of course I love you Bella. I've waited an eternity for you. Do you honestly think I could ever stop loving you?"

My breath hitched as my brain tried to compute his words. He did love me. He never stopped.

"But…"

"I know, what I said. And I know that it may take a lot for you to believe me right now, if you even do. But I will spend today and every day forward doing everything I can to prove to you that I love you, that I always have, and that I will never stop."

"But..." My mind was in a haze trying to wrap itself around his words. "But you said…" His index finger gently pushed against my lips, silencing what was sure to be a fine example of my ability to ramble nonsensically.

"I know. And I'm sorry, though I realize simply apologizing won't undo what's been done." His finger move from my lips and was quickly replaced by his thumb, gently brushing against my lower lip as he stared intently at them. His voice was low and melancholy as he spoke.

"I've missed everything about you. I've missed the way you somehow manage to smell like a mixture of flowers and cinnamon _all_ the time. The way your eyes give away your every emotion. The way your skin feels under mine…"

His voice dropped to an even quieter volume as he looked up at my eyes and back down to my lips. "The softness of your…" he didn't complete his statement as he gently grazed his lips against mine. My heart sped up at the momentary touch and I looked up at him, biting my lower lip as I felt my cheeks flush.

"And how could have I forgotten to acknowledge how much I missed that blush?" He said, as he placed a soft kiss on either of my cheeks.

"I think you should go back to telling me how much you missed my lips…" Holy crap, did that just come out of my mouth? I felt my blush deepen as his crooked smile returned and he lowered his head to push against my lips a bit more firmly, his right hand reaching up to cup my left cheek, as he tilted his head to deep the kiss. My body immediately reacted to him, as I arched my back up towards his and delicately slid the tip of my tongue against his lower lip.

He pulled away from me slowly, his eyes opening and staring at me as if he were committing this moment to memory. I felt embarrassed by his strong gaze and turned to the side. It was then I noticed the familiar surroundings, even in the dark. We were in our meadow. I turned to look back at him and his eye hadn't seemed to leave mine. His facial expression had changed to one of relief to one of pain. He lowered his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.

"What is it Edward, what's wrong?" I whispered, my heartbeat speeding up with worry over his sudden change in demeanor.

"Bella, you have to promise to come back to me. Please, I can't do this without you; I never could…"

"Edward I'm right here. I'm not leaving, I won't ever leave."

"Please Bella, I need you. They said I was the strong one to walk away to protect you, but you're so much stronger. Please I love you. I promise I'll never leave you. I'll change you if that's what you really want. I'll do anything…"

I never heard him sound so defeated, so… _human_.

"Edward…" I tried to reach out for him to give him the same comforting touch he had given me, but I was tied to something. My arm wouldn't let me move any higher than a few inches above the ground. What was I stuck on? I tried to look down at my hand but all I saw was darkness.

And everything went black once more.

EPOV

When I had arrived, I immediately went to the nurse's station. The one I remembered as Aimee sat at the front desk. Her eyes immediately bugged out as she dashed around the desk and grabbed me in a firm embrace. "Edward Cullen, as I live and breathe! How are you? How are your father & the rest of your family? I hope you all are well! We sure do miss having your father around here. He is such as great man…" she rambled on and on. I smiled and nodded in agreement as her hands brushed up and down mine quickly. "You're freezing! Look at you, outside at past midnight without so much as a coat on – you should grab a blanket from the linen closet down the hall to warm up," she continued with a smile. I grinned back at her and nodded once more, trying to ignore her explicit thoughts of how she would like to personally warm me up in the closet. "I will definitely do that. But first, I'm actually here to visit a friend. Ms. Bella Swan. I heard she was in a terrible accident recently and wanted to say hello."

She walked back around the desk and sat down, pulling a file from one of the cabinets beside her.

"Terrible thing, what happened to Bella, poor Charlie." I could hear her mind working overtime as she thought of the explicit ways she would like to cheer Charlie up; they were very similar to the warming ideas she had of me. I shuddered as the picture of Charlie shirtless flashed in her mind.

"You alright Edward?"

"Oh yea, just shivering from the cold. I'll grab a blanket on my way to Bella's room. So, all I heard about the accident was that there was a cliff involved. Was it a car accident, or…?" I asked, as I pressed my forearms on the counter and leaned towards her.

"Oh, it was horrible. She's been a wreck, since well… I'm sure your sisters told you, they kept in touch right? But really, since late September, right around the time your family moved, actually. I've never seen a girl so distraught over a boy before. Then again, first loves are always hard, I suppose. "

The telephone rang and she held up her finger to signal "1 sec" as she answered it quickly and transferred the call to another department before making a note in a file on her desk and setting it aside.

"But regardless, Charlie took some time off from the station to help her through it. I mean, bless his heart but I don't think that man knew what to do with her. He finally got her in to see a doctor, but she wouldn't say anything. She would just sit there not talking. They finally gave her a prescription for some medicine to help her sleep – apparently she had been having night terrors about people coming after her and had been waking Charlie up with blood curdling screams multiple times a night, until she finally tried giving up sleeping entirely. Poor girl… lord knows what spurred those, I mean her father's the chief – he'll always be able to protect her."

I felt physically ill, and for a moment wondered if it was possible for vampires to vomit. Because this was this closest I had been to feeling nauseous since before my change. Even though I knew I deserved to hear every word of how she had been since I left, in agonizing detail, I didn't know how much I could take and I wanted to get to her room to see her for myself as soon as possible.

"That's awful Aimee…" I paused before looking into her eyes and shaking my head. "So the accident…"

"Oh! Well so thank _god_ that Charlie and Billy Black are such good friends. Jacob was exactly what she needed! Charlie drove them up there every day for a couple weeks and they totally clicked. Now, as a woman I know that a heart doesn't heal that quickly, but he's definitely a good distraction for her," she said with a wink.

Yes, nausea that was definitely what I was feeling. That and white hot anger and a certain dog.

"Anyway, about a week ago now, just before everything happened, Bella was sexually assaulted. She just walked into the ER covered in bruises, and hair all a mess. Poor girl, as if she hadn't been through enough this year. I swear she's in this hospital more often than half our staff!

I barely registered the ending of what she said. What, Bella, assaulted?

"Um, Aimee, what do you mean, she was assaulted?"

"Well, obviously I can't exactly say what happened. I mean I'm probably saying too much as is now. But jeeze-louise, you're Dr. Cullen's son and a friend of Bella I'm sure Charlie wouldn't mind you know. But basically she came in and was with a female doctor for a few hours. Jacob had dropped her off. He looked really frantic and worried. Poor boy, having to see his girlfriend in that kind of state.

She never said who it was and said she didn't get a good look at him. What's worse is she had showered right after… I really wish women wouldn't do that. I mean, Chief Swan could have caught the guy by now – and probably killed him, himself!

But, well, after that she just fell back down the hole that she had been trying to get out of. She completely shut down. Charlie mentioned that she had gotten back in the habit of talking in her sleep. Moaning something about deserving what she got, and something about if she had changed she would have been stronger… it was all really sad to see. Especially us here at the hospital who know Bella so well & not being able to help her. I mean, I see her more often than my own kids – granted they're off at college, but I mean, she's like one of my own… it's just heartbreaking."

Hearing all this was killing me. I had been standing here nearly 20 minutes and still hadn't found out what the cliff had to do with her current state.

"So this cliff had to do with her visit how…?" I was getting inpatient and about just pull Bella's file myself, which I realize would have been the best thing to do. Alas here, I was.

"Yes, yes. So no one knows for sure but it's speculated that she just hit rock bottom. She and Jake had argued earlier that day up at La Push – he said as much himself – and that night she… well… the cliffs. She jumped. I don't think it was for fun, like the kids do during the summer. This one was the highest one, and she jumped really late at night, she was brought in here around 10:30pm…"

Bella had tried killing herself. Because all the shit had hit the fan. Because I had left. Because I hadn't been able to protect her like I promised her I would. Because some asshole had decided it was okay to violate her. Because the mongrel had decided to pick a fight.

I could have stopped all of it, had I just stayed put.

I sighed heavily, and looked up at her sympathetically. "That's horrible… I hope she is doing better now?"

"Well, not much has changed since she was brought in. She's still in a coma that was caused by her almost-drowning. Thank god Jake had seen her truck driving up to the ridge and saved her, otherwise she probably wouldn't be here right now."

The fucking dog saved her. He hurt her and he saved her in the same day; he was a busy man. And I owed him a thank you.

"Can I... I mean... is she allowed visitors?" My voice was cracking; it hadn't done that since 1912.

"It's after visiting hours for non-family, but since I let Jake in to go see here, I don't see the harm in you going back there too. Just don't tell anyone I said it was alright. She's in room 539." She replied with a wink.

I knew it was rude, but I was off the minute the number registered in her mind.

I had been sitting there for over an hour. The beeping of the machines was the only comfort I had in knowing she was at lease somewhat alright.

Of course, I had followed Jacob to the hospital. I knew he wasn't telling me everything, and honestly I didn't blame him. If I had been in his position I wouldn't have been nearly as open as he had been. Honestly, I probably would have killed the person who had hurt Bella so badly, then and there without question.

_But it had been me that had done all of this damage._

I took her left hand in mine, and began gently playing with her finger tips, tracing my index finger from her palm up each finger starting with her thumb. When I got to her ring finger, I felt her hand twitch. I looked up to see if she had awoken, knowing that it was common for patients in a coma to have body spasms while remaining in a vegetative state.

I stared at her face, still beautiful although far more pale. She almost looked like one of us. I let a dark chuckle escape as I shook my head. _It was what she wanted_. But no, I would not be that man. Not yet. I stood up and leaned over so that my face hovered above hers.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you." I entwined my fingers with her as my other hand brushed stray hairs from her face. Her eyelids fluttered but did not open. I hoped she was dreaming happily, instead of about the terrors the nurse had indicated she had been having.

My thoughts drifted to that dark day. When she so easily believed my lie; how could she? "Of course I love you Bella. I've waited an eternity for you. Do you honestly think I could ever stop loving you?" I whispered in her ear as I placed a kiss just below her earlobe.

I miss feeling her touch. I missed the smell of her skin. She smelled amazing, even after nearly drowning in an ocean and being cooped up in the hospital for so long. She smelled like home.

I buried my face in her hair breathing in her scent, careful not to put too much weight on the nape of her neck as I rested on it delicately. "I know, what I said. And I know that it may take a lot for you to believe me right now, if you even do. But I will spend today and every day forward doing everything I can to prove to you that I love you, that I always have, and that I will never stop."

I took another deep breath. My eyes wanted to roll back into my head at how good she smelled. My mouth salivated for her and I had to cut my exhale short so I wouldn't get carried away and lose control. "And I'm sorry, though I realize simply apologizing won't undo what's been done." I replied before placing another chaste kiss in the same spot below her ear.

I pulled away and look directly at her, my forehead resting lightly on hers. "I've missed everything about you. I've missed the way you somehow manage to smell like a mixture of flowers and cinnamon _all_ the time. The way your eyes give away your every emotion…" I had missed her brown eyes. They somehow managed to match her chestnut hair perfectly. "The way your skin feels under mine…"

I looked down at her lips and gently traced them with my thumb. They were a paler shade of the naturally deep red they normally were, but they were still soft and plump under my skin. "I miss the softness of your lips." I bent down hesitantly and softly brushed them against hers. No response. My sleeping beauty would not awaken from true love's kiss. I looked at her again and smiled before trying once more. Any person walking by, would have thought me a complete asshole for what I was about to do, but I had to try once more. There was an energy that passed through us whenever we would touch and I had to hope that I could give her some of mine and let it pass through us both to get her to come back.

So I once again lowered my head and pressed my lips to hers again, this time a bit more roughly. I could have sworn that for a fraction of a second she had pressed back against my lips. _I must be losing it completely_, I thought as I broke away to look at her face for any kind of reaction. Nothing.

I leaned my head back against hers, my eyes closed as I whispered quietly, willing for sobs to overtake me. I needed the release, I needed her. "Bella, you have to promise to come back to me. Please, I can't do this without you; I never could…"

I pulled my face from hers, sitting back down in the chair squeezing her hand in mine. "Please Bella, I need you. They said I was the strong one to walk away to protect you, but you're so much stronger. Please, I love you. I promise I'll never leave you. I'll change you if that's what you really want. I'll do anything…"

There was nothing but silence. I laid my head atop our joined hands and closed my eyes, my breath so heavy I felt as if my heart was beating. Beating and breaking.

It's just what I deserved, to finally have my heart back only to feel it shatter.

The heart rate monitor began to beep a bit more quickly, though not an alarmingly amount, and I heard the paper sheets of the bed creak.

My heart froze as I looked up and the brown eyes I had been missing more than anything I had ever known, were staring right at me.


	4. Chapter 4

_I love everyone who has sent me PMs about this story. It's my first fic so I appreciate all the feedback I've gotten._

_A special shout out to the best FF writer on this site, Ms. Theotherbella. She rocks my socks so hard and makes me wish someone would call me their Bella brownie._

_Even if my name isn't Bella._

_Which I guess is just weird, but whatever. Check out her story "Those Eyes" for some of the best AU-Human Twi-fic out there ___

BPOV

I blinked a few times as he stared at me imploringly. I thought I had been awake before, but this all felt new and I felt _alive_ instead of all spacey. I heard faint beeping in the background, but all I saw was _him._

"Bella…" his voice was soft and questioning. I didn't speak for fear I'd be shoved through another rabbit hole and _really_ wake up, only to find myself alone and Edward-less.

When I didn't respond his brows furrowed and he looked as if he wanted to cry. His breath was ragged as he murmured, "Bella, if you can see me, squeeze my hand." I pulsed my tiny hand that rested in his and he visibly began to relax.

"Bella, if you can hear me, try and say something; something short, just so I know you're okay." My heart rate sped up a bit as I thought of all the things I wanted to say. I whispered with a hoarse voice that sounded nothing like my own, "Kiss me."

Relief seemed to wash over him as he leaned towards me and kissed my forehead. _That was so not what I meant_.

He rested his forehead against mine and let out a deep breath. "You promised me you wouldn't do anything reckless," he said as I felt his eyes close; his eyelashes brushing against my eyebrows.

With that one statement, I was hit with waves of exhaustion, physical soreness and anger all at once. I leaned my head back towards the pillow and looked directly at him. "Well you promised to love me forever, so I guess that makes us both liars," I spit out with as much venom as I could in my weak state.

His jaw clenched and in an instant his face went from angry to pained. "I guess you didn't hear what I said after all…" he trailed off, looking down at the paper linen sheets.

"What do you mean; I didn't hear what you said? When?" Jesus I just woke up from either a long nap or something entirely more serious and he was just making me feel _more_ disoriented! Had I blacked out and missed an entire conversation with him? Stupid brain.

He sighed, still not looking at me as he toyed with the edge of the sheet. "When you were… out, I talked to you. I thought maybe you'd come back to me… for me, if you knew I was here…" He scoffed. "God, I just heard myself say that. I can't believe how incredibly egotistical and off base that was. _Of course_ you wouldn't, especially when you didn't come back for that dog – I mean Jacob."

Stop the presses. Hold your horses. What?!

Suddenly memories of the vivid dream I'd had of us in the meadow flooded through my mind. Maybe the conversation _had_ been real.

"Did you tell me you loved me?" My voice was so low and shaky that I wasn't sure he'd even heard me.

"Multiple times," he replied solemnly, still not looking up. His eyes were so focused on the sheet, I was wondering if he was trying to set it on fire with his gaze.

"And…" I swallowed hard and winched at the stinging sensation that spread through my throat as I continued to speak. "And did you touch my lips with your fingers?" His body froze and he nodded, not saying a word.

"Did you say I smelled like flowers and cinnamon?" I felt my throat constrict as the words came out & embarrassment stained my cheeks pink.

He looked up at me then, hope twinkling in his eyes as he leaned towards me and buried his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. I felt him nod, "You do…"

I bit my lower lip, wondering if I should ask the looming question in the back of my mind. "What else did you do?" I asked, feigning ignorance after detailing my dream in perfect clarity.

He pulled away from my body and for a split second I feared that the best part of my dream had been only that.

His eyes brushed over my hair, down to my eyes and rested on my lips before I felt his lips crash against mine. It was neither hesitant nor chaste; it was nothing like what the kisses in my dream had been like. He was kissing me hard and deliberately, nipping at my lower lip as I slowly opened my mouth and felt his tongue pass between my lips and slide along mine. I moaned softly as my left hand slid up the side of his chilled body, up around his neck and rested comfortably in his hair, tugging it just a little. He groaned and brushed his right hand over my collar bone, wrapping around the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss.

The heart rate monitor was beeping frantically and he pulled his lips from mine and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Wouldn't want the nurses to run in here thinking you were going into cardiac arrest," he whispered, softly chuckling into my ear, as he placed soft kisses down my neck.

"Mmm... no. Would hate for them to run in here… they'd probably pull you away from me or something."

"Like they could keep me from you; like anyone could." Coming from any other person, that would have been the creepiest comment ever, but coming from Edward I wished for nothing but for it to be true.

After spreading gently kisses down my neck, across my collar bone and up the other side of my neck, Edward finally shifted his weight onto the bed, curling up behind me, making sure to be mindful of all the wires I had attached to the various parts of my body. His arms were cool and comforting as I snuggled as far back against him as I could. My eyes were getting tired from all the excitement of the past few hours, and I was torn between falling asleep and fighting it in fear of waking up without him beside him.

It seemed as though I was always afraid of him leaving. Oh that's right, because _he did_. I twisted around, to rest my head on his chest and he placed a soft kiss in my hair.

"Edward?" I mumbled into his chest.

"Yes, love?"

"Promise me… and I mean it, promise I won't wake up to you gone again."

"Not unless it's sunny out," he replied grinning into my hair.

I grunted. "Not funny."

I felt him sigh and lift my chin up with his index finger so I was looking directly at him.

"Bella, I love you. I am _in_ _love_ with you. I have never, and will never, love anyone the way or to the degree that I do you. You make me believe in heaven and hell; and everything good with the world, after decades upon decades of being burdened with all the bad in this world you are my north. My happiness rises with your smile and sets when I'm away from you. I will not do that to myself or to us again. I swear it. And I promise to never leave you wanting anything. You are the only thing that has ever made me question whether it was a positive thing that I became the monster I am; because had I not been changed, I would have never met you. And however long we have together, is worth spending an eternity in hell for – if that is my ultimate ending.

I promise I will keep my word; everything I've ever vowed I would do, I will."

I was speechless until I remembered a particular promise he had made. I pressed my hips against his and grinned. "_Every_ promise?"

He returned the grin, shaking his head. "Only you Bella, would be hours out of unconsciousness and thinking about sex."

"That doesn't answer my question."

He moved his mouth to the side of my neck, licking and softly blowing just below my earlobe. I shivered and mewed.

His voice was hushed and deep. " I promise that when the time comes, I will take you and show you exactly how much I want this…" he nipped at my earlobe as I felt his breath hitch as my left hand slid down from his chest to the zipper of his black slacks, barely grazing over his arousal. He hissed in my ear, "Fuck Bella… you need to stop. My control isn't as great as it once was. I spent months thinking of you in that way; thinking I would never get to feel myself inside of you. If you're not careful, I may lose control and take you right here…"

_Ohmyfuckinggod. Who was this Edward that was talking dirty to me? Talking _openly_ about his desire for me? Who was he and how do I get him to stay here forever – preferably naked?_

I moaned into his ear, and squeezed his erection through his pants.

The next thing I knew he was leaning against the doorway of my room, breathing heavily.

"Dammit Bella, I told you I don't have the control to resist you as well as I used to! You just woke up from spending nearly a week unconscious! What are you thinking?!"

I tried to sit up a bit more, but my body wasn't having that, so I just collapsed back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling, frustrated.

"I don't know Edward; I guess I was thinking that it had been over 6 months since I had seen the only many that elicited these kinds of feelings from me. I'm sorry that I wanted to actually fucking _touch you_ and not have you _reject me_." I huffed. This was exactly our situation the last time we were together. When was he going to realize that I wasn't some frail little weakling… that I could take him touching me without crumbling?

I suppose being laid up in a hospital bed with millions of needles, plugs and wires come from my body wasn't the strongest argument for my case.

"But you're right. Plus I couldn't fuck you in this bed anyway, it squeaks too much," I sighed, conceding to his argument as I wiggled my hips against the flimsy cot-like mattress and heard the bed creak.

His eyes softened as he took a final deep breath and walked back over, surprising me by resuming his position beside me in bed.

"I love you, and I want you to know that it's not as easy as you may think it is for me to resist you. I just… I can't even fathom all of the ways in which it could end badly, and I couldn't take it if I hurt you because I was fulfilling some primal need in me to take you like that."

His arms wrapped around me once more and he buried his nose on the top of my head. I resumed my spot as a koala to Edward's tree and clung to him. The cast which I just noticed was surrounding the vast majority of my leg laid stretched over both of his. I pressed my cheek into his chest and murmured, "Edward, never think that it's only you that has that desire to be together like that. Even now, just touching you like that my entire body is on sensory overload. I can't even imagine how it would feel doing this without clothing on… or a cast" I chuckled quietly.

I felt him smile into my hair and kiss the top of my head. "Someday Bella. For now, sleep; it's been a long day."

I nodded and had been peacefully asleep for what seemed like ages, when I heard a familiar voice yell…

"_Get the fuck off of her now! Or do I need to rip each limb from your body personally to ensure that it happens!?"_

Oh, fuck.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey pretty peoples. Thanks again for all the reviews and PMs about this story. I'm still not too sure how this chapter turned out. I feel like I may have rushed some parts…_

_Regardless, hope you lovelies enjoy this chapter. I promise it'll get juicier soon. I'm trying to work up the nerve to just post the lemon since it's mostly all written.._

_But never doubt that a lemon, and perhaps a whole tree of lemons, will eventually occur._

_Once again, I have no beta, so I apologize in advance for any errors._

_Reviews are almost as good as having your very own Edward tree to climb ;)_

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JPOV

I could smell him. He was still there, still in with _my _Bella. I yelled as loud as I could, threatening to remove him piece by piece if needed. He would _not_ take her from me, not again.

Definitely not after we had gotten so close and she had _almost_ opened up to the idea of her and me.

I saw his arms pull her tighter as she opened her eyes. _My Bella was ok_. I walked over to her quickly staring at her in disbelief. She was ok, she was alive… she looked incredibly scared.

I wanted to kill him.

"Jacob, hi… uh, what are you doing here? Isn't it ridiculously early?" She asked, yawning midway through her sentence.

"I've been here Bells… every day, from 6am til midnight," I admitted honestly. I had worried; I had hoped. I had been here every single day since they brought her in. "Pop even let me take the week off school to be with you," I said, grinning shyly. Fuck I would have been here even if he hadn't said it was okay.

She smiled weakly and let go of her grip on the bloodsucker's hand and reached for me. I took it as a sign, and I could tell Edward did too as he visibly winced, probably at seeing her tear herself from him and go to me.

Okay, well maybe she didn't _go_ to me, but she let go of him to hang on to me and that had to mean something, right?

"Thank you," she whispered, squeezing my hand.

I smiled, just staring at her. She was awake, and seemed ok, aside from this asshole leeching onto her like a bloodsucker. Hahaha leech… bloodsucker, get it? Okay maybe I'm tired from the lack of sleep…

The nurse chose that moment to come in, smiling from ear to ear. "I saw you in here earlier Bella, talking to Mr. Cullen here," she said nodding in the direction of Edward. "You two seemed to be in your own world, so I didn't disturb you. Unfortunately I do need to check on you to make sure nothing else is going on in the inside, since you're awake now – and you were out for nearly a week." She smiled softly and pulled out a thermometer, sticking it under her tongue after Bella had nodded, giving silent approval.

"Oh and your father has been called; he should be here within the hour." She smiled, trying to not drop the thermometer as she did so.

I loved that smile. I couldn't believe the whirlwind of the past few weeks, but I was thankful that she was awake and seemed to be doing okay.

The nurse cleared her throat and glanced at Edward and I. "Okay boys, I'm going to need to check out Bella a bit more, so I'm going to need you two to step out for a bit."

I looked at Bella, begging her not to let me leave this room. Certainly we were beyond embarrassment over anything she would be unveiling to the nurse. Weren't we?

Bella's eyes didn't even stop on me as she spun her neck around and looked at Edward, her voice small and shy as she asked, "does he have to go?"

Edward smiled and kissed her forehead softly. "I'll be right outside, I promise." Her hands wrapped around his forearm as he sat up, ready to scoot off the bed. The look she was giving him, was similar to the look I always gave her – unsure and pleading. "Please don't go," she replied staring right up into him.

Part of me hated him more than anything in that moment for being the person she had asked to say; however, part of me understood her. She was scared he would leave again.

Her eyes darted back to the nurse, her words almost frantic. "He doesn't have to go, right?"

The nurse smiled warmly. "Hun, I'm going to need you to take off the hospital gown; as long as you are ok with him potentially seeing more than he's ever seen before, then I'm fine with it… I won't even tell your father," she answered with a wink.

Bella sighed heavily and smiled, returning her gaze back at Edward. It was like I wasn't even there.

I cleared my throat loudly, making both her and Edward look over at me as if I had just entered the room. "Well, I guess... I'll just wait outside then."

Bella smiled at me, squeezing my hand once more and nodding. "I'll see you in a bit. Thank you for staying with me all this time."

I nodded, unable to speak as I turned and walked outside the room.

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Well, at least she was alright – and for now that was enough.

EPOV

I hadn't expected Bella to ask me to stay, especially after the nurse had informed her that she would be stripping down to essentially nothing. I stood with my back towards her as the nurse assisted Bella in removing the hospital gown and began checking her pulse, heart, and feeling around her chest and abdomen area for any potential injuries that weren't initially caught. I overhear the conversation where they agreed to take the IV out of her if she agreed to eat, and that most of the wires she had been connected to would no longer be necessary since she was awake and seemed to be doing alright. Bella made the occasionally "okay" and "alright, that sounds good," but it sounded as if she was still utterly confused as to what happened to her.

"Are you alright to put the gown on yourself?" The nurse asked, as she turned to walk to the foot of her bed. Bella must have nodded because the nurse informed her that the doctor would be in later this morning to give a more thorough update, and turned on her heels to leave.

"Did you want me to bring your friend back in here?" She asked opening the door. I kept my head turned away and head down. I was being selfish, but I prayed that Bella would not let him back in, now that I was back. I needed more time with her, before her life that seemed to continue on without me, did just that.

Bella cleared her throat. "Um, no… that's ok. Just um, can you tell him to come by later. Maybe I'll make it a group visit when my dad gets here."

I looked up and over to the nurse, who was back to smiling. "Sure thing hun, I don't blame you wanting more one-on-one time with this cutie," she laughed softly and closed the door.

I turned to look at Bella's reaction, completely forgetting that she wasn't clothed. There she sat, in bed the sheets covering her lower torso but her upper body completely bare. My jaw dropped and it was all I could do not to jump her right there. She caught me gaping at her and blushed, but didn't move to cover herself. Instead she bit her lower lip and started blushing.

I remained frozen in place, my breath labored as I tried to pick my jaw up off the floor. I was successful; however my eyes still didn't tear away from her as they roamed from her face down her body and back again.

"Stop looking at me like that. You seem repulsed," she said as her let go of her bottom lip and broke her gaze from mine; instead choosing to star down at her lap.

I was beside her 3 strides, cupping her cheek with one hand and not bothering with words. I pushed my lips against hers as hard as I thought she could handle. My other hand slid along the bare skin of her side, up the front of her abdomen around her ribs. I let my hand roam around her side, fingers tips trailing up her spine delicately and I felt her shiver as my roaming hand slid back down and gripped at her waist. Her hands meanwhile had snaked up my back and found their usual spot in my hair, tugging gently. My tongue traced her lips, entwining with hers once she allowed me entrance. She moaned into my mouth and I couldn't help the groan that escaped me. She was perfection. She was warm and soft and lovely… and after months of being without her, all I wanted was to drink her in and devour her.

That thought made me pull away once again, though this time far less harshly.

"Edward," Bella exhaled out with a gust of air, trying to catch her breath. "If you don't want me to talk about how badly I want you, you really need to hold off on kissing me like that."

I smirked, and nodded. I knew exactly what she meant. I may have been a vampire, but the reaction in my pants was all teenage boy. "Fair enough."

I helped her dress back into the hospital gown, kissing down the back of her neck as she pulled her hair up for me to tie the string to close the gown from the back. She noticeably relaxed even further and leaned against me. I wrapped my arms around her and lowered my face into her hair, beside her ear. "Bella, my Bella," I whispered in her ear, kissing her hair softly before removing my arms and helping her back into bed.

She had asked me to wait with her until her father arrived. I was a little wary of her decision, since I wasn't sure how he would react to me not only be here, but her and I seemingly picking up right where we left off.

We before I was a grade-A asshole and left.

I heard Charlie coming before he had even exited the elevator. He was mumbling in confusion in his own head about something Jacob had said. Perhaps he had told him? As he got closer, his thoughts became clearer. Yes, Jacob had _definitely_ told him I was here visiting Bella. Charlie seemed to be torn between confusion as to why I was back now (and if I had heard from someone about what had happened) and unbridled fury. He was thinking of exactly of how he would like to kill me off to save Bella from pain when he opened the door and his mind suddenly cleared.

"Bella," his voice dripped with relief and concern as she walked quickly to her side, opposite the side I had occupied.

"Bella, you're alright…" he confirmed, I assume more to himself than to her. Her lips twisted into a half smile and she nodded.

"I'm fine dad. A little sore and a little bummed that I broke yet _another_ bone, but overall, I'm great." She squeezed my hand as she said "great". "Edward brought me back."

Charlie grunted, sounding disbelieving and annoyed with her rational. It wasn't until then that his head shifted and he acknowledged my presence. "Cullen," he said in a completely monotone voice.

"Good morning Mr. Swan, sir."

Bella's head turned from side to side, from me to her father and back.

"Bella, I'm going to go outside for a moment, and give you two some time." Her hand tightened around mine again. I squeeze hers and smiled. "You need time with your dad, and I need to call Alice and my parents to let them know I'm alright."

Charlie raised a brow at my statement. "They didn't come back with you?"

I looked over at him and shook my head. "When I heard about Bella, I left them a note and took the first plane I could get out here. I'm sure they are fine, but I should probably check in."

He grunted again and nodded. "Alright then, better get to it. Don't want them wasting police resources thinking you ran away and having the local cops scouring for you when you're obviously fine."

I nodded and kissed Bella's forehead softly, whispering in her ear intimately, "I'll be right outside love."

I walked outside of the hospital; thankful to not have to worry about the sun as it was raining buckets. It was only a little after 8am but one would never guess it wasn't 8 in the evening with the blackness of the clouds covering the sky.

As I suspected, no one was the least bit worried. They were all relieved that Bella was ok, and that she hadn't met an irreversible fate. Alice was her usual peppy self, begging me to allow her to tag along, but understanding when I said it was still too soon. I had to make sure Bell and I were okay first, before I dragged everyone back here for a reunion.

I walked back through the hospital doors and saw the nurse who had examined Bella peering over at me, before making her way over with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Aimee told me you were with her most of the night and probably didn't sleep much. I was going to bring over some coffee, figured you could use it," she smiled again. I swear that woman smiled more than a patient with fresh botox injections.

I took the cup of liquid dirt graciously, and thanked her for the thought. She nodded and patted my shoulder reassuringly before going back to her desk.

I made my way back over to Bella's room where the door was now wide open and her and Charlie were sitting in silence, channel surfing and making comments about the bad commercials.

I knocked on the door, despite it being wide open and Bella's face brightened as she looked at me. For a spilt second my heart broke, wondering how much of her worried I wouldn't come back.

"You missed the verdict Edward. The doc came in and said I could go home in a couple of days. They just want to keep me here to make sure everything is 100% or maybe 95% since I never seem to be _fully_ healed from anything before injuring myself all over again."

She was beaming. Things with Charlie must have gone well.

Charlie glanced over at me and stood. "Bells, Edward and I are going to go back to the house to get you some clothes for you to wear when you come home. I'll drop him off once we've grabbed everything."

Her face fell a little. "Okay… but only if Edward promises he'll wheel me around for a pseudo-walk once he gets back," she said looking at me smiling warmly.

I nodded, "definitely Bella. If you're lucky maybe I'll even give you a piggy back ride," I answered with a wink.

Charlie cleared his throat and I wanted to laugh and how little I cared about how uncomfortable he was. I had my Bella back. I was on cloud fucking twelve.

The ride to the Swan house was deathly quiet. Charlie didn't look at me, and I didn't attempt to speak to him. I stayed trained on his thoughts. He was thinking of Jacob, and comparing how Bella looked when she had been with him to how she had looked today.

"You make her happy." He blurted out quickly. For a moment I wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement, so I remained silent.

We pulled into his driveway and climbed out of the car. He turned to point at me, his car keys sticking out beyond his finger. "You go to the bathroom and get her toiletries there; I don't trust an 18 year old boy going through my daughter's drawers.

I smirked internally. He thought I had aged, and he thought I was going to steal her panties. I almost laughed out loud.

We walked inside the house and I was flooded with her scent. I walked up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom, careful to swallow the venom flooding my mouth as her scent became stronger.

I stepped into the small room, and pulled her toothbrush and the only tube of toothpaste I saw; Charlie could buy himself a new one. Pulling back the glass shower door, I looked around the tub's edges, grabbing her bottle of strawberry shampoo. I lifted the top and inhaled deeply. Concentrated as it was in the bottle, the scent was god awful. Bella made her own shampoo smell better. She made everything smell better. Hell, she made everything better. I grabbed her bottle of body wash and headed downstairs to meet Charlie.

He was down moments later, a small duffle bag that was barely full. He grabbed the items I had been carrying and stuffed them in the bag before zipping it up and throwing it in my direction. I caught it with ease and we left the house, once again in silence.

The silence continued as we began our trek back to the hospital. At the first stop light he hit, his fists clenched. I had been so wrapped up in thoughts of Bella that I hadn't heard anything that was going through his mind. For a moment I was worried, but soon enough he relaxed his shoulders and let out a deep breath. "I am going to be very honest with you Edward, and talk to you like an adult." I scoffed internally, if only he knew I was older than him, his father, and probably his grandfather.

"I appreciate that sir," was my stoic response.

"I met Bella's mother when we were both around your age. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She had wavy hair just like Bella does and a smile that would bring dictators to their knees…" His voice trailed off and I could see the flashes in his mind; snapshots of him and Bella's mother in better times, twenty years earlier.

"I loved her. Hell, I still do. I won't ever be able to stop loving her, she was my first and only love and she gave me Bella. Despite how she may behave, hell, how she's been a parent or lack there of to Bella, I won't ever stop. I can't, loving her is like breathing. I've been doing it for so long and it's always come so naturally that I don't know what would happen if I tried."

I didn't know what to say, or what he wanted me to say. I tried searching his mind, but there were still only flashbacks of Bella's mother and him, and a baby Bella being cooed at by both of them.

He cleared his voice as if snapping out of the memory. "My point is Edward; we weren't ready for that kind of love. It scared us both and we reacted to that fear in completely opposite ways. I clung to her. I felt the need to always show her how much she could depend on me; how I would always be there for her, for Bella, for any other children we would have; whereas she felt the need to stake her independence. She needed to prove that who she was as a person was different, but just as important as whom she was as my wife, as Bella's mom. Our coping mechanisms for that fear that we would lose the one person we loved more than anyone is ultimately what drove us beyond a point of reconciliation and ironically, led us to ending the marriage."

"… And you don't want Bella to lose sight of who she is and wind up losing me?" I ventured to guess.

He nodded. "I know she's both stronger and smarter than both me and her mother but neither strength nor intelligence really matters when it comes to love. And frankly, I won't allow her to be put in a position where she hurts that way again; the way she hurt when you left her and said whatever it was you said to break her like that."

"Mr. Swan… Charlie. It may be hard to believe but I was in just as much agony being away from her as she was being apart from-"

"I don't care how you felt during that time. What I care about and what I know is that you made the choice for both of you, and she was…" his voice trailed off. "Inconsolable doesn't seem like a strong enough term, but that's exactly what she was. And to put it bluntly if you hurt _both_ of you that much, I'm not sure how much I trust your judgment."

"Trust me sir," I was back to formalities as I knew I had to butter him up as much as possible if I even stood a chance of going about this the right way. "I will never leave Bella again. She is my life. I will follow her wherever she wants me to go. And I will wait for her with unwavering love and faithfulness when she needs to go on her own and experience things as an individual, and spread_ her _wings. I have loved Bella since the moment I met her. And someday I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life as I have since I met her - loving her more and more each day. And I know that's scary and you probably think I'm an idiot for saying that at my age but it's true."

He turned to look at me and sighed, nodding his head once. "Like I said Edward, love has nothing to do with being smart."


	6. Chapter 6

_Kay, so I love you all for reading this story. You all witness my FF-writing-cherry being popped. Has it been good for you?_

_This chapter is kinda short but is more of a turning point for everyone._

_This chapter wouldn't be up right now if it wasn't for the magical **theotherbella** for making the ending a whole lot less crappy. She's the Queen of Angst, and you all should bow down before her._

_Seriously._

_SMeyers owns all character and blah blah blah... disclaimer with stuff we already know... blah blah blah_

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BPOV

The next couple days passed by so fast, I hadn't realized it was check-out day until I woke up to Edward's eyes staring directly at me, with the most adorable boyish smile I had ever seen plastered on his face.

"Mmm... morning," I said groggily as I rolled from my position at his side to my back and stretched. He said nothing, but his grin grew ten fold. I quirked an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly. "Is it Christmas or something?"

"Better." He leaned over with half his body hovering over mine as he kissed my morning breath tasting lips. "You get to leave this sterilized prison today."

My lips formed a gigantic smile before fading quickly. Would this be his cue to leave again? Now that I was all better, there was no reason for him to be concerned. He could go back to his life without me to hold him back.

"I am also happy…" he whispered into my ear, kissing softly down my neck. "Because that means I can taste, smell and explore your beautiful body, without the faint hint of ammonia, and constant fear of interruptions."

. Yeah, okay I was totally ready to leave too – pronto, and get to the part where he did all of those things.

He pulled away and gave me the infamous crooked grin of doom. That fucking look would do me in any time, any where. And it was, right now. As damp as my underwear had been before, they were nearly soaking now.

"Plus there's a lot to talk about. Like where we're going to college and what we're doing this summer."

_Where we're going to college and what we're doing this summer…_he was staying. He was trying to figure out _our_ future.

I smiled and he slid off the bed and into the chair beside me just as Charlie stepped through the door.

"Hey kids," he greeted in a cheerful tone I had never heard from him.

"Morning." We replied in unison. Aww we were so cute; I'd be gagging if it was anyone else but us.

"Bells, I'm sorry, but I gotta head back in to work. I really wish I could drive you home but Mrs. Flemming thinks there's another intruder… god forsaken woman, it's probably just another one of her cats that she's lost track of. Anyway, I was going to call Jacob-"

"That won't be necessary Mr. Swan. I'm already here; I can drive Bella home."

Charlie turned his focus from me over to Edward. "Oh, right. Okay then. But Bells, call Jacob. I know he was really worried about you and he wants to spend some time with you before things get crazy with you packing up to move."

Edward turned and looked at me with a questioning gaze. Fuck. College.

"Sure dad, I'll call him later."

----

"So I assume the move your father was referring to was the big college move?" Edward asked as we drove to my house from the hospital. I had been so relieved that I was leaving that I had completely forgotten my dad's little reminder.

"Mhm, I have to be settled in by August 10th."

Edward turned to me, his fucking sexy smirk spread over his face. "So are you going to tell me where you're going, or do I have to guess?"

"I like the idea of you guessing."

"Okay, hm…" Edward looked back towards the road and bit his lip as if he was in deep concentration.

"Well, I can't imagine you wanting to be too far from Charlie so I think Seattle Pacific University."

"Good guess."

"Does that mean I'm right?"

"No." I smiled brightly, though it quickly faded. I _should_ have been thinking of Charlie when I got my acceptance letters; I _should_ have chosen to stay closer. Hell, I had gotten into the University of Washington and that was relatively close.

We pulled into the driveway and despite my protests; Edward carried my duffle bag up to my room, as I slowly hobbled my way up the stairs. Thank god for walking casts. I'm pretty sure I would have died if I had been forced to walk up the stairs using crutches.

I flopped onto my bed as soon as I was close enough, my head hitting the comfortable pillow. "Ahhh, no more paper sheets," I sighed, hugging my pillow and loving the feel of the soft cloth against my face.

Edward chuckled and moved to lie beside me. "I must say, it's must more comfortable lying with you in a normal sized bed." I released the pillow immediately and snuggled up to his chest. "Agreed."

He ran his fingers through my hair, occasionally stopping to twirl a strand around one of his fingers. "So, college… Where are we going?"

I was embarrassed to tell him. To admit that I had accepted an offer from the school he and I had discussed attending at length multiple times prior to him leaving. I had decided to go there holding out hope that I would see him there. God, I was pathetic.

"University of Alaska," I mumbled into his chest. I felt his body stop moving. I knew he didn't need to breathe, but he always did when I was near him. I think it made him feel like less of a monster –even though he clearly wasn't– or perhaps the reaction was contagious, like yawning.

"Bella, tell me honestly, why did you choose that school?" His voice was low and questioning.

I could feel the blush covering my cheeks and I continued staring out the window as one cheek pressed against his chest. "It's an affordable school and they gave me a very generous scholarship and Charlie mentioned that he always wanted to go ice fishing and I thought he could do that when he came to visit and they have a great Biological Sciences program and I would get to take advantage of a lot of – …"

"Bella…" He cut me off, pulling my chin up to look directly into his incredible topaz eyes.

I looked down. If I was going to be _honest_ I couldn't look at him, even if his gaze was burning holes into my face.

My voice was a quiet whisper, the sound barely escaping my lips. "I hoped you would have continued on with your plan, and would be there."

He dropped his hand from my chin, and looked away towards the window. "I should have never left Bella. You will never know how sorry I am for putting you through that."

"Edward look at me," I demanded sternly. His gaze returned to my face, his eyes full of sadness.

"You regret leaving, yes?"

"Every second of every day."

"And you aren't going to leave me again, are you?"

"Nothing could keep me away."

"And you love me?"

"More than anything in this world."

I smiled softly, and kissed his lips quickly. "Then we're okay. Stop fretting over it. You're here now. We're here, we're good." I rested my head back on his chest, snuggling up even closer.

He sighed and pressed a firm kiss to the top of my head. "You let me off the hook too easily Bella."

"No I don't, I just love you."

"You shouldn't; I don't deserve it."

I twisted around so that I could look up at him, and I traced the line of his jaw with careful fingers.

"How can you say that?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me, "Bella... we've been over this--"

"And I've repeatedly said that you're wrong."

"Just because you say something, doesn't make it so."

Well, if that's not bullshit on ice. I wrenched myself from his grip so that I could sit up.

"So what Edward? Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm in love with you? That I'm going to _stay_ in love with you? What the fuck is with you sometimes?"

His eyes went to a dark coffee, and it made me want to back track a little. What the fuck just happened?

"Bella, my mere _presence_ around you puts you in a constant state of danger; not just from... others, but from me. What if I snapped one day, and bit you? What if I couldn't stop? Do you not consider these things?"

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, "How many times do I have to tell you that I trust you? And what the hell would be so bad about changing me anyway? Huh? I thought you were back for me; i thought you never wanted to leave me! Well, guess what? When I fucking die, I'll be GONE, Edward! Then what the fuck are you going to do?"

He sucked in a strained and unnecessary breath as his eyes swirled back to a burnt gold. Then he lifted himself from my bed, running a hand through his crazy mane and stood facing my window.

"Bella, maybe this was a mistake; I think I should go."


End file.
